Escape to Paradise: Your Luxurious Malmedy Poolside Getaway
Escape to Paradise: My (Slightly Chaotic) Malmedy Poolside Adventure – With All the Nitty-Gritty
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because I just got back from “Escape to Paradise” in Malmedy, and lemme tell you, it was… an experience. This isn't your polished travel brochure review. This is real life. This is me, sprawled on my sofa, still smelling vaguely of chlorine and existential dread. And frankly, the details? They're a mixed bag, just like life itself. So, let's dive in, shall we?
Accessibility & Getting There (The Slightly Awkward Start)
Right off the bat, I need to mention: I am not a wheelchair user. However, I did make a point of checking out the accessibility situation because, well, everyone deserves a decent holiday. And honestly? It’s a bit… patchy. "Facilities for disabled guests" are listed, which gives me hope. But I couldn't find any detailed info on how truly accessible everything is. Did elevators exist, or just the stairs?
Getting there? Smooth as silk, which is always a win. Though the "Airport Transfer" was more of a… very late-night taxi, which wasn't technically an airport, but the staff were really, really nice about it. (More on nice staff later. They saved my bacon more than once.) "Car park [free of charge]" - big ups. Parking, or lack thereof, can ruin an entire vacation. And I'd definitely take advantage next time.
Cleanliness & Safety (The Sanitization Symphony - Kind of)
This is where things get… interesting in the post-Covid era. "Anti-viral cleaning products"? Check. "Daily disinfection in common areas"? Check. "Rooms sanitized between stays"? Check. They say all the right things. And you feel like they're trying. But, there was a rogue dust bunny I swear I saw lurking near the air conditioner. And the "Room sanitization opt-out available"… well, I didn't see any opt-in, so you probably didn't have a choice. Still, the hand sanitizer stations were everywhere. Constant, omnipresent hand sanitizer. So, points for trying.
Dining, Drinking & Snacking (Fueling the Chaos!)
Okay, the food. This is where I lived, lived, and survived. The “Restaurants” are the heart. "A la carte in restaurant" – yes! Delicious. "Asian cuisine in restaurant" – surprisingly good! (Who knew Malmedy had a hidden gem for Pad Thai?) “Breakfast [buffet]” was a solid start to the day, though the "Buffet in restaurant" was a little too… buffet-y. You know? Like, slightly over-crowded, but the food was replenished fairly regularly. "Poolside bar"? YES. This is where I camped out most afternoons. The "Poolside bar" saved my sanity. "Happy hour"? Bless you, happy hour. The cocktails weren't necessarily craft, but they were cold and strong, and that’s all that mattered. Special shout out to the staff at the "Bar". They could instantly change the moment I walked through the door.
Things To Do (And My Own Personal Breakdown)
"Things to do"? Right, let's go. The "Swimming pool" was a lifesaver, especially the "Swimming pool [outdoor]". Because let’s face it, it was the only escape from my own thoughts some days. I hear you. "Spa/sauna"? Yes, yes, and more yes. I did a "Body wrap" and a "Body scrub". I'm not going to lie, I felt like a completely different person after. "Massage"? Mandatory. Seriously, book one. Immediately. "Gym/fitness" – I intended to go. But, you know… cocktails. Maybe next time.
The Hotel Itself (The Good, The Bad, and the Slightly Dusty)
The rooms… well, first let’s tackle the important bits. "Air conditioning"? Thank God. "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" – glory be. The internet was, generally, pretty solid. But the layout? A bit… confusing. My room was technically "non-smoking", but you wouldn't always know it (more about that in the "Smelling like Smoke" section). "Coffee/tea maker" – Essential survival kit. "Mini bar" – also essential. (Especially for the aforementioned cocktails in case the bar was closed!) "Balcony"? Yes, but that overlooked a car park. Not exactly paradise material. "Blackout curtains"? YES, my saviour. "Wake-up service"? Bless you (but I missed the alarm a couple of times…) "Soundproofing"? I wished.
Services & Conveniences (The Little Things That Make a (Slightly Messy) Difference)
"Concierge"? They were amazing! Needed a doctor? They sorted it. Needed a taxi? Boom. The little things matter, and they are really good at those! As for "Dry cleaning" and "Laundry service," I didn’t use them, because who actually does laundry on holiday? "Luggage storage" was useful. "Safety deposit boxes" in the room are always a good idea. "Daily housekeeping" was efficient, even if that dust bunny sometimes escaped their radar.
For the Kids (Because Even In Paradise, They Exist)
Okay, I don't have kids of my own, but I noticed "Babysitting service" was available. There were "Kids facilities" and "Kids meal" on the menu. I suppose it is a "Family/child friendly" hotel, but I’m not the best judge of this. Just know there were "Kids" there.
The Downsides (Because No Paradise Is Perfect)
Okay, here’s where it gets real. First, the walls are pretty thin. I could hear the couple next door… let's just say very enthusiastic about their vacation. The aforementioned lack of accessibility details is a HUGE downside. And yeah, about the "non-smoking” room… someone had definitely been smoking in there before me. And, I couldn’t find any pets, despite the hotel stating "Pets allowed unavailable".
Emotional Verdict: The Rambling Conclusion (and Recommendation?)
Look, "Escape to Paradise" is not perfect. It’s a bit rough around the edges, and it’s certainly not the sleekest, most flawlessly executed vacation I’ve ever taken. It's more like… a slightly disorganized, yet charming, house guest.
But.
The staff are genuinely helpful and friendly. The pool is divine. The food, mostly, is delicious. The spa is… well, I'm already planning my return trip just for the massage again.
If you're looking for a super-slick, pristine experience, this might not be for you. But if you're after a relaxing break, a bit of fun, and a place to escape your everyday chaos? I say, go for it. Just maybe bring your own dust buster, and a pair of earplugs. Consider this my recommendation, with a slightly raised eyebrow and a lingering aroma of poolside cocktails!
SEO & Metadata Shenanigans (Because I Have to Include Those!)
- Title: Escape to Paradise Review: The Good, The Bad, & The Poolside Cocktails! (Malmedy)
- Keywords: Malmedy, hotel review, spa, pool, Belgium, vacation, travel, accessible, restaurant, bar, massage, sauna, escape, paradise, review, honest review.
- Meta Description: A brutally honest review of "Escape to Paradise" in Malmedy, Belgium. We cover accessibility, food, spa, rooms, and the (occasionally chaotic) experience. Is it worth it? Find out!
- Metadata:
og:title: Escape to Paradise Review: The Good, The Bad, & The Poolside Cocktails! (Malmedy)og:description: A brutally honest review of "Escape to Paradise" in Malmedy, Belgium.og:image: (Insert a picture of you looking chilled by the pool, or a picture of the hotel)og:url: (Insert the URL of your "review")twitter:card: summary_large_imagetwitter:title: Escape to Paradise Review: The Good, The Bad, & The Poolside Cocktails! (Malmedy)twitter:description: A brutally honest review of "Escape to Paradise" in Malmedy, Belgium.twitter:image: (Insert a picture of you looking chilled by the pool, or a picture of the hotel)
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! This isn't your pristine, perfectly-planned brochure itinerary. This is my attempt at wrangling a week in a luxury countryside holiday home with a pool in Malmedy, Belgium. Prepare for the glorious mess that is me, on vacation.
Day 1: Arrival & Attempted Chill
14:00 - Arrival: So, the GPS said this place was easy to find. Lies, all lies! It involved a hairy off-road detour – pretty sure my rental car shed a few tears. Finally, we arrive at the 'Luxurious Countryside Holiday Home'. Honestly? It's even more stunning than the photos. The pool? Azure perfection. My immediate reaction? Flipping ecstatic. But then… unloading. The endless bags, the groceries I overbought (because I thought “Belgian waffles all week!”), and the kids already squabbling over a pool noodle. The perfect bliss is already… cracking.
16:00 - Poolside Peril (and Prosecco): Setting up the pool. Of course, the inflatable unicorn has a slow leak. My attempts at elegant sunbathing are thwarted by rogue ping pong balls and a rogue sunbeam. The kids, bless their cotton socks, are attempting to “swim” by… climbing onto each other's shoulders. I cracked open the Prosecco… and promptly spilled half of it down my front. This is going well.
18:00 - Dinner Disaster (and Redemption): Planned a gourmet al fresco meal. Reality: the grill is slightly less cooperative than a grumpy badger. Ended up with charcoaled sausages and a sad, slightly burnt salad. But hey, the bread was good. That's all that matters, right? We finished the evening playing cards, watching the sunset. A tiny, perfect moment. The kids fought over the last chocolate bar though.
21:00 - Bedtime Bliss (and… a cockroach?): Kids finally asleep, I think. Feeling the holiday vibe! I was just about to pour myself a much needed glass of wine when I saw… a cockroach. A massive cockroach. I screamed. My husband calmly dispatched it. Crisis averted… I think. This holiday has everything.
Day 2: Malmedy Market & Questionable Ice Cream
09:00 - Sleep-in? Absolutely not. The little ones are up, hungry. Breakfast scramble: Waffles of course. Because, Belgium.
10:00 - Malmedy Market Mayhem: Hit the local market. The colours! The smells! A feast for the senses. I bought way too much cheese (as always), a ridiculously large bouquet of sunflowers, and a knitted hat shaped like a gnome. My husband claims I'm "over-enthusiastic." I call it "living my best life." The market itself? Absolutely delightful. I managed to practice my embarrassingly bad French with a cheese vendor.
12:00 - Ice Cream Interlude (and Regret): Found an ice cream shop. The flavours were… adventurous. "Speculoos & Bacon?" "Brussels Sprout Delight?" I bravely opted for a vanilla and… a single scoop of the "Bacon & Maple" . It was… an experience. My husband says it was disgusting. I still don't know if I enjoyed it
14:00 - Poolside Peace (Take Two): Back at the house. The pool is calling. This time I brought a proper sun hat, a good book (a historical fiction, naturally), and a renewed sense of purpose. Managed a glorious 45 minutes of uninterrupted reading before the little ones decided the pool needed a "pirate raid".
18:00 - Cooking Attempt #2 (Slightly Better, Still Chaotic): Tonight, pasta night. The kitchen is looking like a tomato bomb exploded. Spaghetti sauce splashed on my hair… but the pasta was cooked al-dente! Small victories. The kids just wanted ketchup. I don't understand children sometimes.
Day 3: Spa-Francorchamps & the Sound of Speed
09:00 - Race Day for the Kids: We're lucky enough to be relatively close to Spa-Francorchamps. The kids are obsessed with Formula 1 - I'm more in it for the (potential) quiet time, but I know my husband would love it.
10:00 - The Noise! The Thrill!: The roar of the cars! The smell of petrol! The crowds! It was overwhelming, but also exhilarating. We walked the track. This one was a hit with everyone.
13:00 - A Picnic of Disasters: I packed a lovely picnic. The food fell out of the basket. The kids wanted to eat the track's grass. We sat on a bumpy grassy hill, while watching the cars zoom past.
14:30 - Back to the Pool: We needed a chilled pool session. The kids were ready, and so was I.
17:00 - Dinner in Malmedy: A Pizza restaurant, a bottle of Belgian beer, and a successful meal! We are winning!
Day 4: Hiking Adventures (and a Near Disaster)
09:00 - Up Early for Hiking: Attempted a scenic hike. The views were breathtaking, the air crisp. The kids, however, were less enamoured. "Are we there yet?" "I'm tired!" "I need a snack!!"
11:00 - The Lost Child (and Heart-Stopping Panic): We lost a child. Literally. We thought our six year old had wandered ahead, but when we reached the next viewpoint, he was nowhere to be seen. My heart hammered. We backtracked, calling his name. Found him, happily exploring a stream, miles from the path. Never been so relieved.
12:00 - Picnic Panic #2: We managed to eat our food by the stream.
14:00 - Poolside Recovery (and Wine Therapy): Back at the villa. Wine therapy is essential after that. Soaking in the pool, pretending to be a graceful swan, while in actuality looking more like a waterlogged walrus.
18:00 - Home-cooked Meal and Early Night (need to recover…): Simple meal. Trying to get some rest.
Day 5: Diving Into German-Speaking Culture
10:00 - Exploring the East Cantons We visit the region of German-speaking Belgium, near Eupen, and enjoy some architecture.
12:00 - Lunch: We visited a local restaurant, with traditional food.
14:00 - Pool We wanted to relax after lunch and the excitement of exploring the new area.
17:00 - Dinner: A nice dinner at home, we watched a movie, before crashing onto the beds.
Day 6: Relaxation Again, with Chocolate
10:00 - Chocolate Tasting! We went to a local shop, and bought some of the finest chocolates around, enjoying the delicious treats.
12:00 - Pool Time! Relax, and enjoy the moment.
16:00 - Departure Preparation: Time to tackle the washing, packing, and general pre-departure chaos. Realized I haven't done laundry all week. Oh, dear.
18:00 - Farewell Feast: One last attempt at a gourmet meal, mostly consisting of leftovers. The sun set. We ate, talked, and relived the week's best moments.
Day 7: Departure & Reflections (and a vow to return)
- 09:00 - Emptying the Villa: Goodbye to the Belgian countryside!
- 10:00 - Driving Home: The drive home… slightly less hair-raising this time.
- 12:00 - Post-Mortem: This holiday was messy. Imperfect. Challenging. Filled with laughter, tears (mostly from me), and a cockroach. But it was ours. I wouldn't trade it for all the perfectly planned itineraries in the world. Belgian countryside, we will be back!
This is my messy, honest attempt. Hope you enjoyed it!
Unbelievable! This Tent Lodge Near Loonse & Drunense Dunes Will Blow Your Mind!
Okay, spill the beans! Escape to Paradise... is it *actually* paradise?
The pool… *really* that good? I’m picky about pools.
Malmedy? Is there anything *to do* there besides, you know, relax?
The food! What about the food? Tell me *everything*! (I'm a foodie).
What about the rooms? Are they actually luxurious? (I'm also picky about rooms).
Anything you *didn't* like? Be brutally honest.
Would you go back? The final verdict!
