Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Perigordian House Awaits in France!
Escape to Paradise: My Perigordian Dream? (Or Just a REALLY Nice Hotel?) - A Messy, Honest Review
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I'm about to dive into the shimmering depths of Escape to Paradise, that idyllic-sounding place in France that promised me… well, paradise. Did it deliver? That's the million-dollar question, isn't it? And the answer, my friends, is… it's complicated.
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- Title: Escape to Paradise Review: Dream Perigordian House in France? My Honest Take!
- Keywords: France, Perigord, hotel review, luxury hotel, spa, swimming pool, accessibility, wheelchair accessible, restaurants, dining, wifi, fitness, breakfast, clean, safe, family friendly, activities, room amenities.
- Description: A brutally honest review of Escape to Paradise in France. We'll dive into the spa, the food, the accessibility, and whether it actually lives up to the "dream" promise. Expect messy details, quirky observations, and my raw, unfiltered opinion!
- Meta Tags: (keywords above, plus things like "Perigord France travel," "accessible hotels France," "luxury hotel spa review," "family vacation France," "honest hotel review")
Let's Get to the Messy Stuff - The Good, The Beautiful, and the Slightly Annoying
First, let's be real, France and I have a complicated relationship. Love the food. Hate the bureaucracy. So, going in, I was armed with a healthy dose of skepticism. But, as I pulled up to the "Escape to Paradise," I actually gasped. No, seriously. It wasn't the Taj Mahal, but the honeyed stone exterior, the manicured lawns, the promise of… well, escape… was instantly appealing.
Accessibility - Did They Actually Think About This? (Important!)
Okay, crucial point. I'm very interested in accessibility. This place says it's accessible. And… mostly, they delivered. Wheelchair accessible seems to be genuinely considered. The elevator was a lifesaver (because, you know, stairs are the enemy). The facilities for disabled guests were, thankfully, present and accounted for. Ramps were plentiful, access to the swimming pool [outdoor] was decent. I did get a little stuck on a gravel path once, which led to a slightly awkward encounter with a very chic French woman and my flailing arms. Lesson learned: stick to the smooth stuff.
On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: YES! Thank goodness. Because navigating French villages in a wheelchair is… an adventure. More on the restaurants later.
The Spa - My Soul's Sanctuary… Mostly
This is where things got… dreamy. The Spa/sauna was calling my name. The Pool with view was, indeed, spectacular. I mean, picture this: sun-drenched terraces, the gentle sounds of water, and the promise of… well, me-time. I dove in. I got a Body scrub, let's be honest, it was heaven. Then, the Sauna… I'm not generally a sauna person. Too hot, too stuffy. But this one, oh this one, was perfect. Then, the Massage. Pure bliss. My shoulders, which tend to live permanently in my ears, finally relaxed. (One small, slightly annoying detail about the spa: You had to, like, ask for everything: towels, water, a robe. They weren't just… there. Minor, but still.)
Things to Do & Ways to Relax - More Than Just Lounging
Listen, I'm not the type to just lie around. So, I was pleased to see a decent array of activities. They had a Fitness center (which I, admittedly, glanced at from a distance, because, hello, vacation). Breakfast [buffet] was the most exciting activity, I'm a sucker for a good hotel buffet. The Breakfast takeaway service saved me from a couple of mornings where I barely got out of bed. There were also tons of things to do in the area, like tours, but I was content to stay at the hotel.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – A Culinary Rollercoaster
Okay, the food. This is where it got… interesting. The Restaurants were generally excellent. They had Restaurants that had an A la carte in restaurant, which was useful. The Bar was a crucial element to my vacation. There was the Coffee shop (crucial in the morning). I had Coffee/tea in restaurant with Asian influences, but Western breakfast available too. I loved having a Bottle of water nearby at all times and Snack bar was a great feature. There was Room service [24-hour]. Some of the food was incredible. Some of it was… slightly less so. One particular incident involved a vaguely rubbery steak and a serious case of the "hangries." Let's just say, the Happy hour made everything better.
And the breakfast! Oh, the breakfast! A Breakfast [buffet], truly a spectacle. The croissants, the pain au chocolat… I gained five pounds in a week, and I regret nothing.
Cleanliness and Safety: My Slightly Paranoid Brain, Relaxing (Almost)
Okay, so let's talk about the plague. I'm a worrier, so the whole Cleanliness and safety thing was major for me. I was relieved to see Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, and a general air of fastidiousness. Hand sanitizer was everywhere. I may have judged them heavily until this. The Room sanitization opt-out available was reassuring. The Sterilizing equipment felt like overkill, but okay. I was truly taken aback at this.
Rooms - My Sanctuary (With a Few Quirks)
My room! It was lovely. The Air conditioning was a life-saver (hello, summer in France!). The Bathtub was luxurious. I appreciated the Blackout curtains and the Complimentary tea, and the Hair dryer. The Free bottled water was a godsend. But… (there's always a but, right?) the internet. Oh, the Internet access – LAN The Internet access – wireless. It was the hotel's Internet. It worked, but sometimes, it was a bit… temperamental. And the Alarm clock… I never could get it to work, so relied on my phone. I felt like it was a trap.
Services and Conveniences - They Thought of Almost Everything
The Concierge were helpful, and the Doorman always greeted me with a smile. The Air conditioning in public area was good. However, finding the Convenience store was a treasure hunt. They also had Cash withdrawal. They had an Elevator. But, if I had to get a Car power charging station, I probably would have cried. The Taxi service was perfect for those times I didn't want to drive.
For the Kids - Families, Rejoice! (Or, Prepare Yourselves)
I didn't travel with kids, but it was clear that the hotel was Family/child friendly. They had a Babysitting service.
Getting Around - Easy Peasy (Mostly)
Airport transfer was available. The Car park [free of charge] was a huge bonus. But finding parking was a nightmare.
Overall Impression… The Verdict
So, did Escape to Paradise live up to the hype? Well, it’s a dream, albeit a dream with a few glitches. The most amazing thing was the swimming pool. The hotel's safety was commendable and the level of care for its customers was really great.
Here's my final take:
- The Good: The spa, the surroundings, the incredible breakfast buffet, the overall atmosphere of tranquility and escape. The staff were brilliant.
- The Not-So-Good: The intermittent internet, the slightly inconsistent food at times.
- The Verdict: I'd go back. Absolutely. It’s not perfect, but it’s a damn good hotel, and it truly felt like a little slice of paradise. Just pack a backup charger, a book, and a healthy dose of "joie de vivre," and you'll be golden. Highly recommended!
Final Rating: 8.5/10 (With a solid "would recommend to a friend").
Escape to Tuscany: Your Dream Belvilla Awaits in Castiglion Fiorentino!
Right, so, this Perigordian house in Berbiguieres Allas-les-Mines, France… sounds utterly, ridiculously, perfect, doesn't it? Like something out of a goddamn storybook. Well, here's my attempt at a slightly less polished, more me version of a potential itinerary. Buckle up, buttercups. It's gonna be…well, it's gonna be something.
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Bread Hunt (and the Wine Debacle)
- Morning (Approx. 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Arrive at Bergerac Airport (EGC) – which is, geographically, close enough to the house, right? Pray to the travel gods that my flight isn't delayed by seven hours with the usual baggage carousel roulette (I lost my favorite scarf last time, still not over it). Grab a rental car. French driving, they say, is an experience… so, let's hope I emerge unscathed! The map? Never trust a map entirely. Definitely download a offline map, trust me on this.*.
- Mid-Day (12:00 PM - 2:00 PM): Settle into the house. This is the moment of truth. Is it really as charming as the photos? Are the shutters actually wonky in the adorable way? Unpack. The eternal struggle: clothes neatly folded, or "stylish piles"? I'm betting on the latter. The fridge better be empty, ready to be filled with deliciousness.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM - 5:00 PM): The Great Bread Hunt: This is a mission. Find the perfect boulangerie. The best baguette in the whole of the Dordogne. I'm talking, crispy crust, fluffy inside, enough to make you weep with joy. I'm picturing myself, basket in hand, smelling the warm bread… just… bliss. After buying the first Baguette, buy some cheese, and ham. I shall find the best location to enjoy it.
- Evening (6:00 PM - 9:00 PM): The "Wine Debacle." I've never really understood French wine. My knowledge extends to "red" and "white." So, I'll probably wander into the local cave looking utterly bewildered, get bamboozled by some overly enthusiastic shopkeeper, and end up with three bottles of something way above my pay grade. But hey, the view from the house, a good baguette, a cheese, slightly tipsy. Sounds pretty perfect to me. If I'm being honest, a slight buzz is the perfect way to admire a perfect view.
Day 2: Castles, Caves, and the Unending Pursuit of Croissants
- Morning (8:00 AM - 10:00 AM): The Croissant Quest. Another mission. Find a respectable croissant. The kind that practically shatters when you bite into it. The first half hour shall be a complete failure: I'll either find stale, pathetic ones, ones from a supermarket, or the baker will be out. Do not give up.
- Morning (10:00 AM - 1:00 PM): Castle-hopping! Beynac, Castelnaud… those castles make me want to be a medieval queen! They are gorgeous on the outside. I will definitely get lost on the winding roads, I know it right now. I will definitely feel the urge to buy a tiny suit of armor in the gift shop. (Don't judge me.)
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 3:00 PM): Lunch. Picnic by the Dordogne River? The cheese from yesterday's baguettes, the baguette, the wine, and a view the castles are famous for. I doubt I'll be able to resist dipping my baguette in the wine, which could be a sign of the impending doom.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Lascaux IV Cave Paintings. I've been seeing these things in history books for so long. I am planning a trip to see the replicas, I don't trust myself with actual art, I am a terrible person.
Day 3: Market Madness and the Pain of a Rainy Day
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): The Local Market. This is where the real France lives. I'm envisioning overflowing stalls of fresh produce, olives the size of grapes, more cheese than I can possibly conceive of eating. I'll attempt to speak French, butcher the language, and the vendors will either laugh or be incredibly patient. Either way, a cultural experience. It shall also be the first time I'll use the local currency.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 2:00 PM): Lunch. Market finds! Quiche? Salads? Maybe some weird, delicious local specialty I can't pronounce. I'll try to find a spot where I can actually get a feel for the French atmosphere.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Ugh. Rain. Okay, so everything isn't perfect. If it rains, as it inevitably will, I'm going into planning for a cozy indoor day at the house. Fireplace? Books? Maybe a full bottle of wine and a blanket? This is the point where I'm either going to love the rain or resent the hell out of it. It all depends on the mood, I guess. I might decide to visit a museum, just to prove to the bad weather lord that he can't ruin my day.
Day 4: The River Cruise and the Emotional Breakdown
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): River cruise on the Dordogne. This is going to be stunning. I'll probably spend most of the time staring at the scenery and feeling…well, blessed. I'll probably feel like I could just stay here forever.
- Mid-Day (12:00 PM - 2:00 PM): Lunch at a riverside restaurant. Ideally, I'll find one with a perfect view. I'll people-watch, contemplate life, and maybe even write some profound and beautiful things in my journal. Or, I'll drop my fork, spill my wine, and feel a complete idiot. There's no telling, really.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Emotional Breakdown (in the best way). This is the day the magic will hit me. I'll suddenly realize how extraordinary this vacation is, the peace I had been looking for, the joy of doing nothing but enjoying a beautiful place. And I'll cry. Happy tears, mostly. Maybe the wine will play a role, too. Don't judge.
- Evening (6:00 PM - 9:00 PM): A final, perfect dinner at the house. A cheese platter with the last of the red wine and the baguette. Contemplating the meaning of life. Knowing I'll never truly want to leave.
Day 5: Farewell and the Lingering Taste of France
- Morning (8:00 AM - 10:00 AM): One last croissant and a coffee. The eternal struggle: another croissant, or the guilt of the last one?
- Morning (10:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Pack. I'll probably try to smuggle a baguette or two into my suitcase. Maybe some cheese. Praying for the right weather and not too many delays.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM): Drive to Bergerac Airport. Saying goodbye to the house. Saying goodbye to the Dordogne. Promising myself I’ll be back.
This…this is probably more like it. Messy, honest, a little bit dramatic. And, hopefully, a truly fantastic trip. Wish me luck! And pray for good weather!
Unbelievable Mittersill Holiday Home: Kitzbühel Luxury Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Your Perigordian Dream Home Awaits! (Err...Maybe?) FAQ
Alright, so you're dreaming of a crumbling chateau in the Dordogne, huh? Good for you! Me too. But before you sell the farm and pack your beret, let's talk about the *slightly* less romantic realities. Here's the lowdown, from someone who's spent way too much time staring at French property websites and muttering obscenities at the Euro.
So, what *exactly* is "Escape to Paradise"? Is it a timeshare scam?
Whoa, hold your horses! No, absolutely not a timeshare! (Please, no more of those… I’ve seen things, man… things). "Escape to Paradise" is my incredibly biased, slightly delusional (but hey, aren't we all?) guide to finding a dreamy Perigordian house. Think of it as your virtual friend who's been obsessing over French real estate since…well, since before you were born, probably. I'm here to spill the beans, the baguette crumbs, and the occasional tear about the whole process.
What kind of "paradise" are we talking about? Because my idea of paradise doesn't involve plumbing from the 16th century.
Okay, valid point. Paradise is subjective, and let's be real, some "charming" French homes are… well, *charming* in the same way a slightly moldy antique is charming. We're talking about properties in the Périgord region (aka the Dordogne!), known for its castles, gorgeous scenery, and…let's just say, *vintage* infrastructure. Think stone walls, ancient beams, and possibly…rats. (I'm not going to lie, I *shuddered* when I saw a listing describe a beautiful courtyard as "perfect for afternoon tea and…potential rodent encounters." No, just no). But the potential is INCREDIBLE. Imagine: rolling hills, truffle hunting, and wine flowing like… well, like a river of wine. It's a gamble, but a beautiful one.
How much money am I going to need? Be honest, I’m already bracing myself.
Ugh. The most dreaded question of all. Okay, deep breaths. It really varies, *wildly*. You can find fixer-uppers (a polite term for "falling down") for relatively cheap, but then you have to factor in…everything. Renovations, the dreaded *taxes*, the French bureaucracy that makes the DMV look like a speedy, efficient machine. I'd say, *at a bare minimum*, have a significant chunk of change set aside, probably enough to make you cry when you look at your bank account. Then double that. No, TRIP THAT. Seriously. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and you'll need to be prepared for unexpected costs. Like, needing to hire an exorcist because your house came with a ghost. Okay, I'm kidding…mostly.
What's the biggest mistake people make when buying a house in the Périgord?
Oh, this one's easy: FALLING IN LOVE TOO FAST! I did it! I saw this darling little stone cottage with a PERFECT view, and I was instantly smitten. I pictured myself sipping rosé on the terrace, writing the great French novel (in my dreams, anyway). I ignored the fact that the roof looked like it was about to collapse, and that the "garden" was basically a jungle teeming with unseen creatures. I mean, I was so blinded by the charm, I nearly didn't notice the complete lack of running water. *Don't* be me! Do your due diligence. Get a thorough inspection. Ask *all* the questions. And for the love of God, check the plumbing.
The bureaucracy! I've heard horror stories! Is it *really* as bad as they say?
Oh, honey, buckle up. Yes, it REALLY is as bad. Maybe worse. If you think navigating the DMV is a nightmare, French bureaucracy is the stuff of legends. One time, I tried to open a bank account, and it took *three months* and a mountain of paperwork, all in French (which, let's be honest, I only sort of understand). Be patient. Be persistent. And be prepared to develop an unhealthy relationship with your notary. (They're your new best friend…and sometimes your therapist.) Remember, it's not personal; the system just…functions differently. Embrace the chaos. Learn to enjoy a good *café au lait* while you wait for your paperwork to be processed. And for heaven's sake, learn some basic French phrases. "Où sont les toilettes?" is a good one to start with.
What's the best part of owning a house in the Dordogne *actually* like?
Okay, okay... *this* is where it gets magical. Even with the plumbing nightmares and the paperwork headaches, it's FREAKING AMAZING. Imagine waking up to the sound of birdsong, not traffic. Imagine the smell of freshly baked bread wafting from the *boulangerie* down the street. Imagine sitting on your terrace, glass of amazing wine in hand, watching the sunset over a landscape that looks like a Monet painting. That's…that's the dream. It’s the feeling of stepping back in time, of slowing down, of really *living*. It's the community! The local markets! The ridiculously delicious food! It's all worth it. Even the rats...kidding! Don't remind me of the rats! But yes, it's bloody wonderful.
What about the language barrier? I barely remember high school French.
Okay, this is a big one. Unless you're fluent, you're going to struggle. Locals in the Périgord can be fiercely independent (read: stubborn) and sometimes English isn’t the first language. You can get by with a smattering of phrases (hello, goodbye, please, thank you, where's the toilet, and where's the wine, are absolute essentials), but you'll have a much richer experience if you can communicate. Consider taking some lessons before you go. Get a phrasebook. Download a language-learning app. And don't be afraid to make mistakes! The French will appreciate the effort, even if you butcher their language. I once managed to order a "duck of the house"Scenic Stays
