Escape to Tuscany: Your Dream Farmhouse Awaits (Horses Included!)
Escape to Tuscany: Your Dream Farmhouse Awaits (Horses Included!) - A Review That's Probably Too Long and Definitely Honest.
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I'm about to spill the Chianti on my recent escape to the Tuscan countryside, specifically, the fabled "Escape to Tuscany: Your Dream Farmhouse Awaits (Horses Included!)." This wasn't just a vacation; it was… well, it was an experience. And an experience worthy of a ridiculously long, probably-too-detailed review.
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag, Bless Their Hearts
Now, starting off, accessibility is a bit of a mixed bag, which, knowing Tuscany, shouldn't surprise anyone. The website promised facilities for disabled guests, which is great! But getting around the sprawling property, the winding paths, the occasional cobblestone… let's just say it ain't a breeze for everyone. My advice? Call ahead, be specific about your needs, and hope for the best. The staff seemed genuinely kind and willing to help, but "willingness" doesn't always equal "seamless." We'll see.
Food, Glorious Food (Mostly, Anyway…)
Let's be real, the food is the heart of a Tuscan experience. And, thankfully, "Escape to Tuscany" mostly delivers.
- Restaurants, the Heartbeat of the Farmhouse: Okay, the restaurants, plural, is a bit of an overstatement. There's a main restaurant, and the poolside bar, which serves snacks. But let's just say, I spent most of my time in the main spot, and the pool side bar for easy access.
- The A La Carte Adventure: The main restaurant offered a la carte and, surprisingly, a vegetarian restaurant, that was an interesting option when I needed a break from all the wonderful meats.
- Breakfast: The Dawn of Delight (…or Disappointment?): The breakfast buffet: Well, it was… Italian. Which meant a fascinating array of pastries I’ve never heard of (and will probably never find again), a decent enough spread, and a ridiculous amount of coffee. Not the finest coffee in the world, but boy, did it wake you up! There was also Asian breakfast, I didn’t try it so I can’t say!
- Dinner: The Real Deal: The dinner menu was more impressive. One evening, I ordered a lamb dish that made me weep with joy. Seriously. Weeping. The International Cuisine was mostly Italian (shocking, I know!), but there were enough variations to keep things interesting.
- Room Service: The 24-Hour Comrade: 24-hour room service. Genius. Especially after a long day of “exploring” (read: napping in the sun).
- Poolside snacks. Good idea: Pizza and wine by the pool. What’s not to love?
The Wellness Oasis (or, My Attempt at a Spa Day…):
Okay, let’s talk spa. I like a spa. I very much like a spa. This one had… well, it promised a lot. I saw: Body scrubs, body wraps, foot baths. But also it had: Fitness center, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor].
I spent the whole morning trying to get my schedule to work, which was exhausting. I had a back massage that was… adequate. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t the “visions of angels singing” experience I was hoping for. It was a massage. That’s it. The pool with view was gorgeous. Glorious. The sauna was hot. Nice. Basically, it was a spa. Not a transcendental spa. Just a spa. And it's fine.
Cleanliness and Safety: The Post-Pandemic Reality
Okay, let’s get real for a minute. The world's a little different these days, and I’m always checking for these things. “Escape to Tuscany” was pretty good, tbh.
- I saw the Anti-viral cleaning products in action. Nice touch.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: I could smell the cleaning products a LOT. Maybe a little too much. But hey, I'd rather smell clean than anything else!
- Hand sanitizer everywhere, of course.
- Rooms sanitized between stays.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items
- Safe dining setup.
- Staff trained in safety protocol.
- Individually-wrapped food options. That's the new normal.
- They had a doctor/nurse on call.
- First aid kit
So, you're safe here.
Rooms: Your Tuscan Sanctuary (Mostly…)
The rooms… well, this is where things get a little… rustic.
- Available in all rooms: Air conditioning, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens.
My room… was charming. And by “charming,” I mean slightly… dated. The blackout curtains definitely worked (appreciated!), but I couldn't get the internet working right. You'll want to ask about the Internet access – wireless password before you leave your room! Oh and the air conditioning, even though it was there, it didn't blow ice cold air like I needed.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter
Okay, the little extras are where "Escape to Tuscany" shines.
- Concierge: Super helpful with booking tours and answering my dumb questions.
- Daily housekeeping: My room was consistently spotless, bless them!
- Doorman: A nice touch.
- Dry cleaning/Laundry service: Super convenient.
- Luggage storage: Essential.
- Cash withdrawal and currency exchange: Helpful!
- Gift shop: Perfect for picking up that last-minute souvenir.
For the Kids: Fun Factor? (I Can’t Say, I Don’t Have Any)
- Babysitting service: Which is great! I don't have kids. But I saw a few families.
- Kids facilities
Getting Around: The Tuscan Tango
- Airport transfer: A lifesaver! The drive from the airport is gorgeous, but you do not want to navigate Tuscan roads yourself after a long flight.
- Car park [free of charge]: Excellent!
- Taxi service: Available.
Things To Do/Ways to Relax: Beyond the Spa (And Eating)
- Poolside bar: Essential!
- Terrace: Perfect for an early morning coffee or a late-night glass of wine.
- Proposal spot: Possible, I suppose. (Just kidding, maybe?)
- Bicycle parking; I don’t ride a bike, unfortunately.
- Car park [on-site]
Quirky Observations and Emotional Reactions:
- The horses! Yes, the horses! They're beautiful. (They're included in the title, after all!) I’m not a horse person, but even I was impressed.
- The staff were genuinely friendly. There was something authentic about their hospitality. It felt less like a chain hotel and more like… well, a family.
- There was a weird shrine in the lobby? I guess that's Italy for you. I have no idea what it was for.
- The bugs. Oh, the Tuscan bugs. Bring repellent. Trust me.
The Verdict:
"Escape to Tuscany: Your Dream Farmhouse Awaits (Horses Included!)" is not perfect. It has its flaws (the slightly dated rooms, the occasionally spotty Wi-Fi, that weird shrine). But it has soul. It has charm. It has delicious food, stunning views, and a staff that genuinely seems to care. It might be a bit rough around the edges; it's not slick, but it's definitely real. If you're looking for a truly *Tuscan
Unbelievable Assisi Escape: Belvilla by OYO Archi Awaits!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups! Because this ain't your grandma's travel itinerary. This is… my potentially chaotic, definitely opinionated, slightly neurotic, and utterly human journey to a Belvilla by OYO Farmhouse with stables in Monte Santa Maria Tiberina, Italy. Get. Ready.
Pre-Trip Panic: "Did I Pack Enough Socks? (The Eternal Traveler's Dilemma)"
- Months Before: Booked the farmhouse! Woohoo! Spent HOURS drooling over pictures of the rolling hills, the stone farmhouse, the horses. Visions of myself, draped in a linen dress, laughing in the golden Tuscan sun. Reality, as always, will probably involve me awkwardly sweating, yelling at a GPS, and tripping over a cobblestone.
- Weeks Before: The packing. Oh, the PACKING. It's a ritual, a performance, a deep dive into the abyss of my closet. Did I pack enough socks? (The answer is always no.) Do I need a hat? (Probably. I'm a pale, sun-phobic creature.) Started learning a few basic Italian phrases. "Un bicchiere di vino, per favore" is the most important one. Priorities, people.
- Days Before: Total meltdown. Did I remember to tell the bank I was going? Did I forget my charger? Did I, in a moment of insane brilliance, book the wrong dates? (Answer: maybe.) Spent an unhealthy amount of time researching the best gelato in the area. Research is important, okay?
Day 1: Arrival and the "Holy Crap, I'm in Italy!" Moment
- Morning (6:00 am): Wake up feeling like I was run over by a herd of the very horses I'm dreaming of. Travel day! Airport chaos, security lines, and the eternal question: is this the right gate?
- Afternoon (3:00 pm): Landed in Florence! The air smells of… well, I have no idea, but it's definitely better than the air back home. Rental car pickup. Let the navigational nightmare begin. Google Maps kept redirecting me down tiny, windy roads. I'm pretty sure I got the stink eye from an old Italian man who wanted a straight road.
- Late Afternoon (5:00 pm): Finally, finally, arrived at the farmhouse! Holy. Cow. (Or, in this case, Holy Horses!) It looks even better in real life. Rustic, charming, and smelling faintly of hay and… dreams? There's a courtyard with a wisteria vine - I'm already planning a photoshoot. (Spoiler alert: the photoshoot will involve me falling off a tiny stone wall.)
- Evening (7:00 pm): Settling in. Unpacking (haphazardly, of course). Exploring the grounds. Found the stables! The horses! Their big, beautiful eyes! I’m already in love. Had a glass of wine (per favore, yes!). Cooked a very simple pasta dinner. The pasta was slightly overcooked. Everything is perfect, even with the mushy pasta.
Day 2: Horseback Riding and the Quest for the Perfect Espresso
- Morning (8:00 am): Attempting to get out of bed. The mattress is calling my name.
- Morning (9:00 am): Horseback riding lesson! I may have embellished my riding experience on the booking form. Let's just say my expertise is limited to riding a mechanical pony at a county fair, but I am fearless. (Until a horse actually moves.) The instructor, bless his heart, was patient with my flailing. Had a little trouble mounting. (Turns out, horses are tall!)
- Morning (10:00 am): We're off! The Tuscan countryside from horseback? Pure magic. Even if I did get incredibly saddle sore. The scenery is the stuff of postcards. Those rolling hills! Those olive groves! Those perfectly imperfect cypress trees! I need to stop taking pictures and just experience this. (Too late.)
- Late Morning (12:00 pm): The espresso hunt. My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find the perfect espresso. I’ve had a mediocre one; I’ve had a decent one. Now, I’m going for the crown jewel. I'll go to the nearest little cafe to get one.
- Afternoon (2:00 pm): Lunch! Found a tiny trattoria with outdoor seating. The food? Simple. Delicious. And unbelievably cheap. Ate way too much pasta. Regretting the pasta, but not really.
- Evening (6:00 pm): Back at the farmhouse. Spent at least an hour just sitting, staring at the view, and feeling… grateful. This is what I needed.
- Evening (7:00 pm): Another glass of wine on the patio. Now, I'm planning a simple dinner. This time, I'll get the pasta right. No promises.
Day 3: Exploring Monte Santa Maria Tiberina and the Art of Doing Nothing
- Morning (9:00 am): A delicious breakfast and an espresso. The espresso mission is going well!
- Morning (10:00 am): EXPLORE! Wandered around Monte Santa Maria Tiberina. The town is gorgeous! Cobblestone streets! Wrought-iron balconies overflowing with flowers! Felt a little bit like I'd wandered into a movie. I nearly got lost in the network of tiny streets, and I loved every second of it.
- Afternoon (1:00 pm): Lunch at a cafe with probably the BEST view in this entire town.
- Afternoon (3:00 pm): Back to the farmhouse. The main draw of this trip? Doing nothing. Reading. Staring at the horses. Napping. Maybe a little bit more wine? Today it's all about recharging.
- Evening (6:00 pm): Planning the next meal and maybe an early night.
Day 4: The Gelato Incident (And the Slow, Sad Farewell)
- Morning (10:00 am): One last horseback ride! Feeling a little more confident this time. Didn't fall off (victory!).
- Afternoon (1:00 pm): The Gelato Incident. Found the BEST gelato in a tiny shop. Ate two scoops. Maybe three. Fell into a gelato-induced coma on the couch. Worth it.
- Afternoon (4:00 pm): Packing. Sigh. The inevitable sadness of leaving. I don't want to go back.
- Evening (7:00 pm): One last dinner, savoring every bite. Trying to memorize the taste of Italian food.
- Evening (8:00 pm): Final glass of wine, watching the sunset. Tears, maybe. Probably.
Day 5: Departure and the Promise to Return (Eventually)
- Morning (6:00 am): Up before my alarm. Packing is done. One last look at the farmhouse. Taking a mental picture.
- Morning (8:00 am): Heading back to the airport.
- Afternoon: Arrived back home. Tired, sun-kissed, happy, and already planning my return.
Post-Trip:
- I will make a list.
- Buy some new shoes.
- Look into the perfect espresso maker
- Start saving up now for the next adventure.
- And that linen dress? Definitely need to order one.
This is just the beginning. Italy, I will be seeing you sooner rather than later.
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Bungalow Awaits on Insel Poel!
Escape to Tuscany: Your Dream Farmhouse Awaits (Horses Included!) – Yeah, Right. A Few Questions...and Thoughts.
Okay, so Tuscany. Farmhouse. Horses. Sounds idyllic. But realistically... how much does this actually cost? I'm picturing a small kingdom... or a cardboard box.
Alright, let's rip off the Band-Aid. The price? Oh, honey, it varies more than my mood swings after a bad espresso. It's Tuscany, people, not a bargain bin. Seriously, the "dream" farmhouse? You're talking a lot of Euros. We're talking… well, it depends. Location, location, location. Size. Condition. Horse availability (and let me tell you, the good ones are more expensive than a Gucci handbag). Expect something more than a down payment on a decent house in, say, Ohio. Think ‘mortgage in the Hamptons’ kind of money. I've seen dilapidated heaps - "rustic charm," they call it – going for a fortune, because they've got "views". And the views *do* cost extra. Be prepared to bleed a little, maybe a lot. But... the sunsets... are worth a few organs, I swear.
Oh, and don't forget the ongoing stuff. "Oh, but it's *sustainable*!" the realtor will coo. Yeah, sustainable in draining *your* bank account. Property taxes, maintenance... and horses, my friends, are basically furry money-sucking machines. But the feeling of being there, on the land...that's priceless. (Almost.)
So, the horses. Are they like, pre-trained for polo? Or am I going to spend the next decade being bucked off?
Okay, the horses. This is where it gets interesting. "Horses included!" sounds glamorous, doesn't it? Like they come with a butler and a chef who can whip up a mean béchamel. In reality? You might get a swayback Appaloosa named "Dusty," who's seen more winters than you have. Or you could luck out (probably not) and get a moderately trained, relatively sane creature.
The reality is, you need to *know* about horses. And I mean *really* know. Are you comfortable with hoof care? Vet bills that'll make your eyes water? Are you prepared for the heartbreak when Dusty decides to take a nap on your prize-winning petunias? Because trust me, it'll happen. And the bucking? Yeah, that’s a distinct possibility. Learn to post before you even *think* about cantering. Seriously. Trust me, a bruised ego is nothing compared to a broken rib. And trust me on that one, please.
What about the language barrier? I know 'ciao' and 'pizza'. Will that cut it?
"Ciao" and "pizza." Oh, you sweet summer child. You'll *survive* with those two words. You'll get by. But… you won’t truly *live*. Imagine ordering a pizza with “Ciao, pizza!” and then getting… well, something. Maybe not pizza. Probably not what you wanted.
This is where the adventure REALLY begins. The Italians are lovely people but, and I say this with love, they speak SO FAST. You could learn Italian for ten years and still miss half of what they say. They'll laugh with you, even if you're butchering their language. Embrace the gesticulations. Embrace the confused looks. Embrace the fact that you'll probably end up ordering the wrong thing at least three times a week. Learn the basics. "Per favore" (please), "grazie" (thank you), and "dov'è il bagno?" (where's the bathroom?) are vital. And have Google Translate on speed dial. Trust me. My first month was a blur of frantic pointing and awkward smiles. But it's part of the magic, you know? It’s like being a toddler again, learning to navigate the world. And that, frankly, is kind of amazing.
Okay, let's talk about the "rustic charm". What does that *really* mean in terms of plumbing, internet, and overall comfort?
"Rustic charm" is code for "potentially a complete disaster." Think of it as a gamble, a very expensive gamble. Plumbing? Could be glorious, could be a trickle of water that you have to carefully ration like it's a precious resource. The "charm" might include a charming leaky faucet, or charmingly temperamental water heater. Internet? Forget about streaming Netflix in HDR. You'll be lucky to get a signal strong enough to check your email. Seriously. The rural areas? Prepare for dial-up speeds of the early 2000s! You may need satellite.
Comfort? Well, the older farmhouses are charmingly drafty. Winters will be COLD. Summers will be… well, the heat is intense, but you’re probably not going to have air conditioning. You’ll probably have mosquitoes the size of small birds. So, yeah, "rustic charm" is often code for roughing it. But, on the other hand, imagine sitting on the porch, wrapped in a blanket, sharing a glass of wine, the sun setting over the rolling hills... with NO INTERNET. Suddenly, the charm might outweigh the inconveniences after all . It forces you to *be* there, to appreciate the moment.
What are the biggest challenges of actually *living* in Tuscany, beyond the obvious financial hurdles?
Oh, the challenges. Where do I even *begin*? Okay, so, the financial... yeah, we covered that. But beyond that? The biggest is, you're living in a foreign culture, even if it seems idyllic. Bureaucracy is a beast. The paperwork will haunt your dreams. You need to get used to things taking *forever*. Need a permit? Ha. Good luck. I once spent a month just trying to get a simple form approved. A MONTH.
Then there’s the loneliness. It can creep up on you. If you don't speak Italian, you *will* feel isolated at times. You miss your friends, your family, the ease of familiar surroundings. You'll miss things you didn't even realize you loved, like decent coffee and a reliable internet signal.
And… the unexpected. One time, I had a bat living in my bedroom. A *bat*. I screamed, ran outside, and spent the next week sleeping on the sofa. This is just the reality of living there.
What's the *best* part? The one thing that makes all the craziness worth it?
The best part? Oh, God. SO many things. The air. The light. The food, obviously. (Pasta, I love you. Pizza, you're my soulmate). The sunsets, which I mentioned before, yeah, those are pretty magical.
But the *absolute* best part? It's the feeling of being connected to something bigger than yourself. The sense of peace, the daily rhythms of life dictated by seasons instead of deadlines. You learn toInfinity Inns
